What new mom’s libido hasn’t gone south?? It’s a common problem, but you can overcome it! Check out our guest post from the fabulous Anne Semans, editor of MomsInBabeland.com and co-author of Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.
After I had my first child my libido dried up. In its place though, was this incredible feeling of awe and intimacy that I now shared with my partner. So once I got past the first few months of healing and fatigue, I started mining my bag of tricks for things to help “light my fire,” which is when I discovered that sometimes all the libido needs is a little nudge. The reason the brain is called the biggest sex organ is that your imagination plays the biggest role in triggering your arousal. Fantasies can range from fleeting mental images to elaborate mental scenarios. My fantasies range from titillating (flirting with a neighbor) to explicit (a sex fest at the construction site across the street), but the bottom line is that I use them to help turn me on. I even had some fun with this during the holiday season by crafting an X-rated version of the classic poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” which I surprised my partner with while reading aloud dressed in the sexy lingerie I had purchased for the occasion. The opening stanzas started out tame, and got racier, which resulted in both of us getting turned on, while also enjoying a good laugh.
I’m sure I’m not the first breastfeeding mom to discover that arousal can trigger lactation, so at some point our entire escapade broke down into hysterical laughter over my uncontrollable ‘ejaculations’. Once I took care of those though, we finished our frolic, and have enjoyed retelling that story to each other for years.
If you think you don’t fantasize, think again. All of us use our imaginations to enhance our sexual experiences. Pay attention to what thoughts and images pass through your mind while you’re masturbating, or when you stand next to an attractive stranger on an elevator. If your fantasy pump needs priming, pick up a book of erotica, rent an X-rated movie, or explore the wealth of explicit materials online. Mentally reliving a particularly hot sexual encounter in vivid detail not only makes for great fantasy material, but gives you useful information about what it is that turns you on and why.
Like masturbation, fantasizing can be a non-threatening way to express your sexual self at times when you don’t feel willing or able to be sexual with a partner. And it allows you to keep a sexual spark alive even when you’re not partnered.
by Anne Semans